I hate you more than you hate me.

Eff yeah bitches.

I can’t deal with the stress.

My heart is beating so hard. Fuck. Okay. Let’s do this.

Seriously. Stop talking.

WHY AREN’T YOU BLINKING?

Please clean yourself.

What kind of game are we playing here? Why must everything be so difficult. Why can’t I just not make a mistake? What is this is?

A three is a three. Do not replace your E’s with threes when you are speaking to me online, it makes you look like an idiot. Thank you for your cooperation.

thereisnocure:

And it kills me. I have entertained the idea in my head that I am better off dead. I still think about it to this day. I wonder what would happen if I were to kill myself. These days, I come to the same conclusion; I would cease to be, I would be out of time, it would all be over. Before I thought that it would just stop. The pain, the misery, the hatred of myself would all stop. It’s true, it would stop, but at what cost? I never valued life, I never really valued anything, so I figured my life was a small price to pay to make it all stop. But one day, I was sitting in my room, I had accidentally broke my travel mirror a few weeks before, and I was looking at my reflection in the broken shards on the ground (I liked to put the mirror pieces back together, kind of like a puzzle). I saw a broken girl looking at her broken reflection. I started to tear up, and I grabbed one of the shards. Not breaking eye contact with my broken reflection, I started to drag the sharp end of the shard up and down my left arm. I settled on a vein close to my hand. I pressed harder, and harder, until I felt the blood, then I started to drag it. I dragged it for about one centimeter before I stopped. My reflection had changed. I was no longer looking into my eyes, but the eyes of my first time cutting. I saw the fear, I saw the angst, I saw the confusion. I felt the pain, I felt the loneliness, I felt the hollowness. That moment everything changed; I realized that I wasn’t trying to end my life, I was trying to end hers. I couldn’t do it. I knew she had so much to offer, I shouldn’t be allowed to end her life just because things aren’t going well right now. I never wanted this. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I wanted to help me, but I realized that by me trying to help me, I was ending all of my hopes and dreams that I once had. I couldn’t do that. That day I learned that if I stopped my pain in that way, I would stop everything. I would stop the few good days in between, I would stop the happy memories I held so dear, I would stop all that I had hoped to be. I made a promise to myself that night. I promised that I would never again cut myself, I promised that if I saw someone going through what I went through, I would do all I could to help them. My biggest promise I made that night was that I promised that I wouldn’t let my little sister get as fucked up as I was. I promise forever.